The Island of Lies

Lately I have been sitting with many thoughts racing through my head, many thoughts of what I am not.  I am not good at managing my time. I am not good at keeping my house clean and organized. I am not good at keeping up on my yard work. I have no college degree.  I am struggling getting out of debt. I am not a fast runner. I am not the best cook. I am not a good manager at work. I am not a good writer. I am not a good student.  I am not the best mom, daughter, sister, friend or girlfriend.  The list my friends, is endless. This is all I am hearing lately. These thoughts have kept me from moving forward. They have had me frozen, in moments even paralyzed.
I know deep down, these thoughts aren’t truth. I know they are lies, but they sound real, truthful and are easy to believe.  They speak right to my weaknesses, right to where I feel inferior in areas that matter to me. I strive to manage my time well and be intentional, organized. I strive to keep my house clean and organized (not for others but because I thrive in a clean, organized house). I strive to keep my yard up - as I love the look of a freshly mowed lawn, with beautiful flowers blooming in the flower beds.  I try to manage my time to study each night to complete my online class. I want to move forward, I want to demonstrate to my children hard work, studying, time management and I desire to feel the success of completing the course, thus showing myself I could do it.  I strive to live on my budget, to pay down my debt and to be able to live debt free.  I work to cook delicious and healthy food for myself and kids, but everywhere I look, other people's’ food look tastier than mine.  I feel like I could lead better at work; like I could manage my work time better, be a better manager and encourage my staff more. I long to write. I have my voice heard, to share my stories and have them reach someone - anyone. I desire to be the best me so that I can be the best mom, sister, daughter, friend and girlfriend I can be.  It’s because these areas all matter to me that I am hearing the lies of what I am not.

Truth is this… yes I am not the best. I don’t even want to be the best. I just want to be the best me. I want to the healthiest, happiest, organized me I can be.  It’s when I am the best me that I am good for those around me.

Truth is… I need to stop listening to the lies. I need to start listening to the truth - to His truth.

Truth is… I am enough as I am.  I will always have room to grow, but growth comes in spending time in the word, reading God’s truths for me, about me.

Truth is… someday I will be the better version of me; and tomorrow is a new day.  A new day for me to work to grow and be a better version of me.  

What this journey will look like, I am just figuring out.  It will start with spending time each day in the word; time writing down my blessings; time praying; time listening to worship music.  

My truth for today… I am to stop continuously living in the land of Comparison for that will keep me on the island of Lies, living isolated, hurting and always feeling defeated. Instead I am in live in the land of Truth where I grow, become a better version of me each day, where I learn who I am in Christ and believe His truths of who I am and what His plans for me are.