Lately I have been sitting with many thoughts racing through my head, many thoughts of what I am not. I am not good at managing my time. I am not good at keeping my house clean and organized. I am not good at keeping up on my yard work. I have no college degree. I am struggling getting out of debt. I am not a fast runner. I am not the best cook. I am not a good manager at work. I am not a good writer. I am not a good student. I am not the best mom, daughter, sister, friend or girlfriend. The list my friends, is endless. This is all I am hearing lately. These thoughts have kept me from moving forward. They have had me frozen, in moments even paralyzed.
I know deep down, these thoughts aren’t truth. I know they are lies, but they sound real, truthful and are easy to believe. They speak right to my weaknesses, right to where I feel inferior in areas that matter to me. I strive to manage my time well and be intentional, organized. I strive to keep my house clean and organized (not for others but because I thrive in a clean, organized house). I strive to keep my yard up - as I love the look of a freshly mowed lawn, with beautiful flowers blooming in the flower beds. I try to manage my time to study each night to complete my online class. I want to move forward, I want to demonstrate to my children hard work, studying, time management and I desire to feel the success of completing the course, thus showing myself I could do it. I strive to live on my budget, to pay down my debt and to be able to live debt free. I work to cook delicious and healthy food for myself and kids, but everywhere I look, other people's’ food look tastier than mine. I feel like I could lead better at work; like I could manage my work time better, be a better manager and encourage my staff more. I long to write. I have my voice heard, to share my stories and have them reach someone - anyone. I desire to be the best me so that I can be the best mom, sister, daughter, friend and girlfriend I can be. It’s because these areas all matter to me that I am hearing the lies of what I am not.
Truth is this… yes I am not the best. I don’t even want to be the best. I just want to be the best me. I want to the healthiest, happiest, organized me I can be. It’s when I am the best me that I am good for those around me.
Truth is… I need to stop listening to the lies. I need to start listening to the truth - to His truth.
Truth is… I am enough as I am. I will always have room to grow, but growth comes in spending time in the word, reading God’s truths for me, about me.
Truth is… someday I will be the better version of me; and tomorrow is a new day. A new day for me to work to grow and be a better version of me.
What this journey will look like, I am just figuring out. It will start with spending time each day in the word; time writing down my blessings; time praying; time listening to worship music.
My truth for today… I am to stop continuously living in the land of Comparison for that will keep me on the island of Lies, living isolated, hurting and always feeling defeated. Instead I am in live in the land of Truth where I grow, become a better version of me each day, where I learn who I am in Christ and believe His truths of who I am and what His plans for me are.
I'm a single mom of four radiant kids who believes in relationship with Jesus over religion. I'm trying not to battle with fear anymore - instead I am choosing to follow what God has called me to do. With that you'll find me here, trying to be brave, with the goal of being authentic and honest about God, single parenting and the beauty in the mess of my joyful chaos. It's sure to be a journey... and I am blessed to share it with you!