While I continued to work through my emotions about Arrow’s diagnosis and her heart prognosis, my family was also working through their emotions. Only their emotions were incredibly different than mine. As they would speak with me as they processed I would come to see that they didn’t hold onto fear or worry; instead they sat in a place of extreme love for her, anxiously awaiting getting to meet her, hold her and planning how they will miss school to be there for her should she need surgery. While their peace about the situation, their unconditional love already for their sister, spoke to me, I still had trouble removing my fear and worries.
At the end of May first part of June, Aysa’s school was working on an assignment called Poetry Slam. The students were to write a poem to present to their peers about something personal/close to them. It was through this assignment that I saw the heart of my daughter and God used her words, her heart, to begin to heal mine.
1.5% of our total DNA
2 per person, that’s what they say
That’s the norm. The supposed to be
One with Down Syndrome,
They have 3.
A genetic anomaly
92% think their lives will go to shit
But you Ms. Arrow Jaye,
Had a chance at being “normal”
And now I’m left to wonder, will you go to the spring formal?
There was a 1 in 700 chance of mom having you
We will all be there, no matter what you go through
Plenty of people will feel bad, make fun, and call you names
Those people may cause all your pains
I want you to know you’re not a disgrace, you’re not a burden we say
Tears rushing down your face
Don’t listen to any of these people for they will never know
How gorgeous you are and how far you will go
You are gifted with beauty inside and out
You have even been born yet, but I have no doubt
Your laugh is the silliest, will have little girl's trembling
Your smile will have all the world disassembling
Their twisted ideas of how a lady is supposed to act
And your eyes, they are gorgeous, simple as that.
Your are more than what your body chose to do
You aren’t a mistake, a defect, and are not someone who
Deserves to be ridiculed for whatever they do
I cannot wait to see what you get into.
Will you have your own restaurant? Or work at a zoo?
You can do anything, and I love you for that
Although I really hope you’re not a brat.
You’re life hasn’t started,
It hasn’t begun -
I would like to thank Chromosome 21.
It’s in her words I see her heart, her deep compassion for love, I see what I have poured into her about where true beauty lives and I see her already pouring that truth into her sister, Arrow. I feel truly blessed by Aysa, by her heart and the amazing love she already has for her sister and within that, her overall love and positivity that she embraces each day and each situation with. When I need strength, when I need to remove some fear and worry that creeps in, I read this poem and replace the fear and worry with confidence that we as a family have this; no matter what is ahead, we as a family will get through, that we have each other, and we each carry a strength when another may not, and in that time we carry one another.
(Thank you Aysa for allowing me to share your poem for all to read! Thank you for your heart and who you are growing up to be. I am beyond blessed to be your mom and share this journey of life with you. While I may be your mom, the one who is suppose to teach you, each day you teach me so much! I love you moonbeam more than you will ever know!)
I'm a single mom of four radiant kids who believes in relationship with Jesus over religion. I'm trying not to battle with fear anymore - instead I am choosing to follow what God has called me to do. With that you'll find me here, trying to be brave, with the goal of being authentic and honest about God, single parenting and the beauty in the mess of my joyful chaos. It's sure to be a journey... and I am blessed to share it with you!